Copyright © 1981, 2005, 2009 Philadelphia Church of God
What is the real God-ordained use of sex in
marriage? WHY have the millions of unhappily married never known either this what, or the how? WHY is adultery, and other immorality, a sin? Is it merely because a harsh God gave a command, or was the command given because its violation robs and harms humans?
WHY is premarital “necking” and “petting” wrong—or IS IT?
These are the vital questions that demand plain and clear answers in this chapter.
We have shown the astonishing sex differences between humans and animals—especially female differences.
Now we come to decidedly important sex-response differences between men and women. In coming to definite, inexorable answers to these burning questions, the Maker’s Instruction Book is the guide and the authority.
And let the answer come right here to the question of why God gave commands. Man is not to be punished for sin merely because a God gave an arbitrary command. But God gave the commands because these violations rob us of joys, and inflict automatic harm.
God’s laws were set in motion to give us happiness, peace, security in plenty, and thrilling radiant joys. God’s laws are the gift of His love to us. God wants us to enjoy the blessings they make possible. This is the plain and rational truth! WHY has a rebellious mankind insisted on being willingly ignorant of that basic fact of life?
We have covered the sacred meaning and the divine purposes of sex in humans. We have seen that sex in humans was given for incredibly glorious purposes that do not at all obtain in animals.
The three God-ordained purposes are marriage; reproduction, which, in marriage, involves the blessing of God-plane family life; and the expression of marital love and companionship to preserve the matrimonial bond and safeguard the home and family.
But now we come to the how of the marital love relationship.
The existence and function of the sex hormones have been briefly explained. They produce marked differences between men and women. These differences are mental, physical and sexual. They are responsible for that mysterious, elusive, yet fascinating something we call sex appeal.
Sex appeal causes a man to become romantically or lustfully interested in a certain woman. It also prompts a woman to become romantically interested in a certain man.
But what is sex appeal?
For one thing, I am convinced it is somewhere between 95 percent and 99 percent what one sees from the neck up! It is, mostly, what one sees in the face of the other which exerts the appeal. Of course voice and other factors contribute. And a most appealing face might be repelled by a seriously unappealing figure.
We think of it as mental—taking place in the mind—and being stimulated primarily by the face. But it would never happen if it did not actually originate in the generative glands! But, as explained, these are directly connected with the mind by the nerves. And the sex hormones which make a man masculine, and a woman feminine, pass directly from their “laboratories” into the bloodstream, and are carried to the mind as well as other parts of the body.
So, after all, the real origin of sex appeal is in these germinal glands, in cooperation with other vital glands.
This sexual love-stimulant causes a man to desire to take that one particular girl, not only as his wife—to share his life’s problems, troubles and successes—to be his companion, and the mother of his children—but also to desire to take that special little woman into his arms, and express his love in fond embrace.
The same sexual love-stimulant also causes that certain man to be romantically attractive to a girl—not only to want to be his life companion, the mother of his children and the homemaker of his home—his confidante—but to desire to be taken into his arms and caressed and loved.
In the truly happy marriage, sex is the stimulus for repeated kissing and romantic embrace and lovemaking. But it also serves to provide that frequent supreme expression and consummation of love-embrace in the sexual relation.
This is what an all-wise, loving God intended and designed it to be! This, in a marriage bound for life by the very Creator, is a most righteous, clean and holy relationship.
God made humans of physical matter, and equipped them with five physical senses. These may be expressed in a God-ordained right way, or in a sinful wrong way.
I repeat—it is God-endowed and right that we enjoy the taste of delicious, wholesome health-building food; that we enjoy the sight of a beautiful English landscape or the breathtaking snowcapped Swiss Alps; that we enjoy the sound of beautiful and inspiring music.
And it is just as right—and just as God-created and God-ordained—that a husband and wife, joined in marriage by God Himself, receive perhaps the pinnacle of all enjoyment in the ecstasy of occasional coitus in marriage! This is the supreme expression of love between husband and wife. It is entirely too intense an experience through the senses to be indulged in to excess. As in all things, God’s way for our maximum good is the way of intelligent temperance. Temperance is one of the fruits of God’s Spirit.
Excess corrodes and makes common this supreme pinnacle of all physical expression. The newlyweds do often have a problem of adjustment to work out. But then, rose bushes have thorns. And the need for adjustment not only builds character and strengthens self-discipline, but renders the experience so much more precious, enjoyable and rewarding.
How often, then, is proper for this occasional supreme expression of marital love? The human “authorities” generally say two or three times a week for younger married people. The infallible Authority does not reveal any directions for proper frequency. God endowed us with minds and sufficient intelligence to arrive at proper values in this particular. Individual cases vary. Certainly, for maximum happiness and joy, the proper spacing increases the intensity and ecstasy of this ultimate in physical expression of love. It is worth reasonable self-denial.
In marriage, a loving embrace, a kiss, an affectionate caress is a loving expression that should, within bounds, be repeated often (I do not mean in public).
But when it comes to that more occasional ultimate of love-expression between husband and wife, a second most important sex difference—this one between human male and female—must be thoroughly understood.
The first of these two vital differences—between human and animal females—was explained in an earlier chapter. But failure to understand the difference in stimuli and time required for arousal in humans has turned untold millions of marriages into tragedy. And here, too, the conditions functioning in human sex are totally different than in animals.
Before the supreme experience of coitus is engaged in, for mutual love and happiness, great changes must take place in both male and female sex organs.
The male penis must become enlarged, stiff, hard and rigid. But changes also must take place in the female genitals, or there will be tragedy. Many husbands do not realize this.
The vaginal walls are composed of a mucous membrane which is corrugated, in folds. In the quiescent condition, this skin is dry, and the folds drawn so that the inner cavity, or tube, is shrunken to a width of perhaps an eighth of an inch or less. It is, in this condition, totally unprepared to receive the enlarged and stiff male member. A great change must first take place. Arousal must be induced.
It has been explained, in an earlier chapter, that female animals come “in heat” at a regular rutting season. Between seasons it is impossible to arouse them for sex mating. These rutting periods come at regular intervals, or seasons, uncaused by the animals. When the season arrives, arousal for coitus is automatic. The animals do not cause or control it.
But in women, as previously explained, arousal must be produced. The time or season has nothing to do with it. A woman is virtually as susceptible to arousal at one time of the month as another. In humans, this arousal is self-allowed or self-induced. It is regulated by the mind.
But sex hormones cause male minds to function differently than female minds. Male hormones travel through the bloodstream to the brain, and evoke erotic desires in a manner different from that operative in female minds. Male minds are affected by stimuli different from female.
Male sex organs may be aroused by a dream, or by a picture, or imagination if the mind is allowed so to drift, by remembrance, thinking of a certain person, picture or experience, or by direct physical contact. Males are readily aroused by psychological stimuli; women primarily by direct physical stimuli.
The principal source of feminine arousal is the embrace, the kiss, the caress.
Upon physical contact, in embrace, male arousal occurs in a matter of seconds, and very few seconds, at that. It begins almost instantly.
Many girls, participating in “necking” on dates, do not realize at all that the boyfriend is sexually aroused, ready for and desiring coitus, in a matter of five or ten seconds’ time. And some girls, devoid of right understanding and character, on learning this, deliberately resort to an embrace on the next date to “try out” their feminine powers. This is very foolish, very stupid and very wrong! To any such girl, I say: “You have only the very same power possessed by all the other 2 billion females in the world! Every cheap prostitute also has this power. That is what she sells in her despicable trade. Don’t be like her! Don’t pollute and misuse this wonderful power! God endowed you with these charms to be preserved for the one man to whom He will some day join you—to be used then in a wholesome manner that will produce blissful happiness. You will be required to answer in the judgment for the manner in which you use your God-bestowed power.”
Sex stimuli are not only different in wives, but arousal normally requires more time depending on individual attitude regarding sex. Sometimes 10, 15 minutes, or perhaps half an hour. Of course, as in other human characteristics, individual responses vary. And much depends on mental attitude. There are cases where the wife is more readily aroused than her husband. But I am speaking, here, of the normal average.
And, mark this well! God made this as it is! There is a vital reason!
God made man to be the leader—to take the initiative—to be the aggressor. But there is YET ANOTHER VITAL REASON!
For emphasis I repeat—sex in animals serves only the purpose of reproduction. But in humans it serves also the purposes of marriage, love and family! God made it to express the intimate love-relationship between husband and wife.
So now consider! If the wife were aroused as instantaneously as the husband, coitus would be concluded immediately. In fact, through ignorance, it generally and tragically is! This eliminates the love-relation.
God intended coitus in marriage to render the real happiness of true love. And that is WHY feminine responses are different—yes, different from those of animals, and also different from those of their husbands!
However, if the divine purpose of love-expression is to be fulfilled, husbands and wives must possess this knowledge. God did not provide them with instinct.
The deliberate repression of this knowledge, under the diabolical sex-is-evil dogma, wreaked havoc on marital happiness for centuries! It reduced women—potential heirs of God—to the level of dumb animals!
Of course, by the damnable heresy of evolution, Satan has invaded even the supposed “intellectual” and “educated” classes in his deception of leading humans to think they are nothing but animals! Satan does not want humans to know their true destiny as begotten, and, finally, born children of God!
But God designed sex in humans to express love in marriage!
Now understand this!
The very fact that the response in wives is generally somewhat slower—the very fact that wives are aroused by stimuli different from their husbands—by the love embrace—by the love caress—by the ardent love talk of their husbands, each telling his wife she is the most lovely, the most dear, the most darling woman on Earth—telling her she is the sweetest, the most honored, the most admired, the most precious of women—all this sincere ardor and earnest lovemaking—with the kissing and fondling of the one so dear and precious to him—all this produces sex arousal in wives!
At a time like this, a husband realizes, in his mind, as at no other time, just how delightfully lovely and precious his wife really is to him.
How different is this marital love from premarital promiscuity or a cheap and degrading relation with a prostitute! In either latter case, it is mere self-gratification, not the giving of love to the one not only loved, but respected, admired and honored above all others—the one for whom he has the very greatest outgoing concern! Did you ever notice that the intense love-talk in Solomon’s Song of Songs, expresses this outgoing admiration, not lust? It was written before his polygamous relapse.
To the unmarried, I say, this is such a precious thing it is a million times over worth waiting for! Any premarital sex—any perversion—mars this potential marital happiness—puts irremovable scars on the marriage before it happens! That may sound extremely out of date in the decade of the ’80s—but it’s truth!
But under the stern sex-is-evil code, prior to the mid-20th century, none knew the delights of marital love—unless discovered by accident—and then under penalty of a “guilty” conscience!
Deliberately, the all-wise, benevolent God created in women the very type of sex stimuli that requires love. And for man to violate this law, or bypass this love-need, is to impose the penalty of physical pain and emotional anger or resentment.
If a husband, immediately aroused, attempts to force the rigid male member into a quiescent and unprepared vagina, real disaster may result. As explained above, the vagina is shrunken, almost closed, and dry. Such a brutal penetration would tear the unlubricated dry membrane along with it, causing pain, and producing a mental sense of revulsion in the wife. And yet, even in the decade of the ’80s reports come to me of a considerable violation of this law—even by “Christian professing” husbands! Some may quote 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband ….” They forget the rest of that verse, “also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” He has no right to use his body to abuse her.
But God has provided a wonderful means of bringing about the happy coital love-union between husband and wife. This requires preliminary lovemaking.
The husband’s quick arousal provides incentive for initiating the love embrace. But also it imposes on the husband the responsibility for the mental control of restraint against a too hasty procedure. It was meant for the husband to take the time to express his love for the wife God gave him, that she, too, may be aroused and properly prepared to share in the supreme and ultimate climax in love-giving!
This love-play preceding actual coitus produces feminine arousal. This love-giving thus produces the drastic change in the wife’s generative organs, making them ready for the coital union.
And all this lovemaking—this caressing, embracing, kissing—this “necking” and “petting” as it is called in current slang vernacular—is actually a definite and most important part of the act of sexual intercourse!
I must add, in this revised edition however, that the change in mental attitude of women toward sex, since 1950, has produced marked change in female sexual response. Some women in their 20s or 30s today will say they believe female sex arousal occurs just as rapidly as the male. This may vary with the individual.
Of all the books on sex available today, one especially that I have used as a text in my Principles of Living classes in our college is, strangely, 50 years out of date in some biological respects. Nevertheless, for a general approach, I have found it the most satisfactory. The 50-year-old biological errors are easily corrected and brought up to date.
This text describes coitus as one whole, but composed of four parts, or acts, of the one drama—four successive phases, one blending into the next.
And the first phase of sexual intercourse, this text explains, is the lovemaking stage. In other words, the very thing adolescents today indulge in freely on dates—“necking” and/or “petting.”
These two modern terms, of course, have various meanings among various young groups. But I use them here as thus defined: By “necking,” I refer to lovemaking primarily confined to the neck, face and shoulders. Only it is seldom love! It is usually sensuous self-gratification; and on the girl’s part it may be the same, or it may be merely what she’s willing to give, in order to receive, as payment, future dates and favors. This latter puts it on the cheap and shameful basis of the prostitute, who merely exchanges what she gives for money, instead of dates and favors! By “petting” I refer to petting which descends below the shoulders—to places where unmarried hands do not belong! And the term “heavy petting” is sometimes used for a sort of heterosexual type of masturbation, or, as many authors state it, “petting to a climax.”
Today “necking” by teenagers has society’s acceptance—and even “petting” is not much frowned on. And premarital coitus has become prevalent, if not the rule.
But acceptance by society does not define righteousness or sin!
Man has no power to determine WHAT is sin. God has determined what is sin. He allows man to decide only WHETHER to sin. And if he does—even with society’s approval—he must reap the penalty of sin—eternal punishment of DEATH! It imposes curses here and now, and robs the sinner of the true happiness and joys a loving Creator made possible!
But, many a young person may exclaim: “Necking a sin? Oh, come on, now! Doesn’t everybody ‘neck’? How can that be a sin—if we know where to stop?”
The answer is two-fold: 1) God ordained this lovemaking to be the necessary first and most important part of sexual intercourse. It, therefore, deliberately breaks the Seventh Commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” when indulged in outside of marriage. That commandment includes premarital fornication, or any other misuse or perversion of sex. It is a capital sin. It imposes automatically, without court trial, the capital punishment of the death sentence! And 2) the dating couple all too often don’t stop.
As to why this is a sin, the answer will come later. It is a sin for the same reason that adultery is a sin. It is not merely because the great God said so—He only said it because it is so seriously harmful to us humans! God denies us no pleasure—no happiness or joy—that is good for us and for others!
God deliberately so designed male and female sex stimuli—and timing—so that humans might enjoy the love-relationship in marriage! It was definitely and intentionally done to prove the bond which securely binds a marriage in happiness for life! It was purposely so designed in order to constantly increase a husband’s love for his wife, and a wife’s love for her husband.
That very private, very intimate, very personal and very precious love relationship, never shared with any but one’s mate to whom God bound one, does increasingly endear each to the other—it makes them, truly, one! It preserves the home and the family for the welfare and the needs of the children. It protects the most basic and necessary unit of a right society!
But such God-endowed marriages are fast becoming a rarity. Promiscuity, before and during marriage, is rapidly destroying the marriage, and family structure. And a solid family structure is the very basis of a healthy society or nation. The women’s rights movement and prevalency of working wives also contributes heavily to breakdown of the family institution and threatens the destruction of the nation.
The very first woman to introduce and champion the “era” movement was the original mother, Eve. God created Adam to be the man and head of the family, but Eve decided to “wear the pants” (customary for all women today)—took over the initiative, and led her docile husband into Satan’s way in rebellion against the Creator God. Modern woman has reverted back to the ways of mother Eve! Is that “modern”—or the utmost extreme of reverting to antiquated ways?
And all these are God-plane relationships!
Why, then, is unfaithfulness to this godly relationship a capital sin? Because it violates and destroys a sacred capital blessing!
Adultery, fornication, masturbation, homosexuality are so colossally sinful BECAUSE they violate, pollute, profane and destroy something so holy and so monumentally righteous in God’s sight!
People today don’t like to use God’s plain-language term, adultery. When a husband or wife commits adultery, each uses a more modern less-sinful-sounding term, “cheating” or “having an affair.”
I have explained in a previous chapter a case history typical of millions. A young man I knew was married to a lovely young wife. They had a fine little son. They were very much in love. Then he decided to “enjoy” the fascination of the “chase” after an “affair.” He succeeded. Then another “affair.” Soon he discovered that somehow his wife had changed. She was no longer so beautiful and attractive. She seemed no longer desirable. He couldn’t figure what had happened to her. Of course nothing had happened to her—it had happened to him!
As explained before, God set in motion a law! That law always works—automatically! It worked on him. He was unfaithful to the union to which a loving God had joined him. He broke not only his marriage, but God’s holy law. He defiled a God-plane relationship which even the angels are not given to enjoy! He divorced and married a self-centered, scheming woman. That marriage didn’t last. How many others he has entered into since, I never knew. He did try to find solace in a false and deceptive religion, devoid of God’s truth, and ignorant of the way to happiness.
Fornication before marriage, it has been stated before, also, puts a scar on the future marriage that can never be erased or healed. Many today commit fornication, and then marry the partner in fornication. I do not say such a marriage cannot be happy—it may, and ought to be. But I do say that scar will always remain! It has taken something away from the marriage. Even though happy, it might have been happier!
Fornication never pays its participants!
God ordained that “necking” should be used only in marriage. But what does man do? He indulges in “necking” promiscuously before marriage, and then, too often, omits it in marriage!
Actually, believe it or not, IF God had made it beneficial and issued a command for all young people to “neck” promiscuously prior to marriage, nobody would! Whatever God says “do,” people don’t! Whatever God says don’t!” people do!
And so a frequent deterrent to happiness in marriage—to the very stability and security of the family and home—is the misplacing of “necking”—resorting to it in dating before marriage, neglecting it in marriage!
This is probably a serious source of marital troubles. The lack of this knowledge of differences in sex stimuli and timing, under a religious regime that forcibly withheld the information, wreaked enormous tragedy. Wives have been cruelly hurt—virtually raped—disaster resulted.
And even today, in this era of supposed newer physical enlightenment, the very mental attitude of many wives near or past middle age, reared in the sex-is-shameful teachings, prolongs tumescence, even when husbands do observe this first rule of marital coitus. If a wife has been “seared with the hot iron” of this unrighteous teaching—feeling subconsciously that she is doing wrong—or submitting to wrong—her mind greatly retards the process of preparation.
Another very important deterrent is the widespread fear of pregnancy. This fear repels many wives. But let intelligence and love drive out fear. Why should pregnancy be feared?
Is planned parenthood wrong? (A special chapter [Chapter 14] will be appended in this revised edition on this subject.)
The Roman Catholic Church has always responded, “yes!”
But if the Bible—the Holy Word of God—the Maker’s Instruction Book to mankind—be your true authority, it says no such thing!
Another deterrent to marital happiness has often been a false view of the real meaning of marriage. Many have been victims of the false notion that marriage bestows on husbands certain “rights”—to satisfy a concupiscent selfish gratification—without waiting for lovemaking and preparation for the wife’s enjoyable participation. And this false idea assumes also that marriage imposes certain duties on the wife—to submit to being virtually raped. Marriage confers no such “rights” and imposes no such “duties.”
Conversely, some scheming women have supposed marriage conferred upon them the “right” to a man’s money—to take their half, giving nothing. Many women have married wealthy men for their money. Any such marriage is fraudulent in God’s sight!
Another deterrent is “letting down” after marriage. During the dating and romance stage, both groom and bride-to-be put a “best foot forward.” They are careful about manners, grooming, the courtesies. Then after marriage comes the “let down.”
If you want a happy marriage, be far more particular about all such things after marriage than before. Be careful about your sleeping garments—be sure they are neat, clean, attractive to the other. Be careful about your hair—especially on rising in the morning. The very first thing I try to do on rising is to get a comb and brush, before my wife sees tousled and messed-up hair!
Wives, I do not exactly know the solution of pricking and stabbing a husband in the face with all those hairpins with which so many females think they must tightly bind their hair overnight. Don’t just giggle at this—I hope you wives may find a way to relieve suffering husbands, and still have your hair looking radiantly beautiful next morning.
Ever notice how people answer the telephone? A wife calls her husband at his place of business or work. He answers: “Oh, it’s you. Well, I wish you wouldn’t bother me now. I’m busy.” But if some other woman might call on a matter of business, his voice is cheerful, courteous, warm and friendly. And of course it’s the same when hubby calls the wife during the day. She’s warmly cheerful and polite to all but him. She feels, “Oh, he’s only my husband.”
When I am at my office I do have to be shielded to a certain extent from constant telephonic interruption. But there was one voice that always got right through to me—Mrs. Armstrong’s. All my secretaries and switchboard operators were instructed that I was never too busy to be interrupted by her! Little things like these are some of the reasons our marriage was so happy for nearly 50 years.
If you must be cross, discourteous, or appear tired before someone, let it be anyone else—but never your husband or your wife! Don’t ever utter the alibi, “Oh, but we’re married, now.” Be lovers, as long as you live!
And always remember: Love is an outgoing concern; “Love is very patient, very kind. Love … is never rude … never irritated, never resentful” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5; Moffatt). That is God’s definition of love. God ordained that husbands and wives should be that kind of lovers!
The all-wise and all-loving Creator designed sex for marriage, and for the expression of love in marriage as well as the bringing of children into the family. He designed marriage to be a love-relationship.
This first phase of the sexual act is the most important, because it is the most abused.
Some books dealing with the physical details of marriage may devote many pages to the next three phases. For our purposes here, a brief few words will suffice.
The textbook alluded to, which I have used in classes, lists the other three phases as 2) the union of the organs, 3) the motion of the organs and 4) the orgasm.
The following comments are very important in regard to the second. Never come to this second phase until the first is thoroughly accomplished—until the wife is fully prepared. When she is sexually aroused, the shrunken folds of the vaginal walls will loosen up. There are lubricating glands which will provide adequate lubrication for the easy and comfortable penetration of the penis.
Just outside the vaginal entrance, inside the labia minora, are lubricating glands called Skene’s glands and Bartholin’s glands. During sex arousal these glands exude a lubricating fluid so necessary for any enjoyment in coitus by the wife. It means the difference between pain and pleasure.
Even after arousal, with blood filling the generative region, the vagina softening up and lubricated, in some cases there may be some pain caused the wife by entrance of the male organ. In such case, the penetration must be gentle, slow and careful. The husband should hold more or less still, and the wife do the “pushing.”
Also, in the case of the first act of coitus by a newlywed virgin (if any, today), absolutely no effort at union of the organs should be made until the wife is sexually aroused and prepared. Then let the husband hold rigidly still, and the wife do what pushing or make what motions are necessary for breaking the hymen. This may be a little painful—but the wife knows how much pain she can stand—and if she does the pushing and breaking, she knows precisely when it is coming. Full instruction regarding hymen-breaking is given in Chapter 15.
How is the husband to know when his wife is fully aroused, and ready for the second phase? She must let him know! She should not be too shy with her own husband to tell him. But if she is, she may simply cease resisting at this point!
And now it becomes necessary to say a few words about a small feminine organ which is of great importance.
The clitoris, previously described, is simply a miniature of the male penis. This is not generally realized, because only the glans (head) is visible. The small shaft, or body, of this organ is covered with the skin just above the upper end of the labia minora.
The nerve-endings in the clitoral glans are even more acute than in the glans of the penis, so that, even though much smaller, it is the seat of female sexual arousal.
Inside the labia minora is the region termed the vestibule. In the case of a wife who is not sexually stimulated to complete preparatory arousal by normal kissing, and caressing in loving embrace, it may be hastened by allowing the organs to come together—but without penetration of the vaginal canal. Instead, let the position be such that the glans penis is placed in the vestibule—but in the upper portion, in contact with the clitoris. A continuous gentle movement, in this position, with kissing, will hasten arousal. But the wife should be careful not to allow this means of stimulation to proceed to the point of orgasm. As soon as sufficient arousal is attained, she should immediately withdraw from this position, and proceed at once to the second phase—the union of the organs.
Now we come to the third phase, and just one point is of vital importance here. Unless this is realized, and care taken, the position of the bodies may be such that no contact is formed with the clitoris.
For this very reason, millions of unhappy wives, through the centuries, have never realized that women are intended to enjoy the pleasure of love in coitus, the same as their husbands.
In fact, probably millions of women have been married, become mothers and grandmothers, and finally died never knowing they possessed such an organ as a clitoris. Of course, at the other end of the pendulum, many little girls accidentally discover this, and start masturbating. Mothers should be diplomatically watchful for signs of this. Just about every so-called “authority” whose book I have seen, and the medical associations, universally chorus the minor discordant error that masturbation does no harm. I say to you on authority of Jesus Christ and the Word of God that it does do harm—not only physically (even though temporary), but psychologically, emotionally, mentally, and, most of all, morally and spiritually.
Masturbation is not so prevalent among girls as boys, but nevertheless a too-large percentage indulge in it, either occasionally or habitually.
Most boys and men practice masturbation to a greater or lesser extent. In many it becomes an almost unbreakable habit. This would never be if parents realized their responsibility, were vigilant, ever watchful imperceptibly, and took proper means to protect their children from this curse!
And don’t be too embarrassed! It’s your responsibility as a parent! You are not fit for parenthood if you feel too embarrassed to protect your children!
Be sure to read the full instruction about masturbation in Chapter 12.
But back, now, to that all-important little organ, the clitoris. We had come to the third stage of this marital coitus.
It is vitally important that the bodily position of husband and wife be such that contact is established with the clitoris. If the husband’s body is placed too low in relation to the wife’s, there will be no contact. The male body must, then, be a little higher in relation to hers, so that the base of the penis, near the abdomen, is in contact with the clitoris—the seat of female sensation.
When proper contact is established, the clitoris will be almost directly between the husband’s and wife’s pelvic bones.
I am well aware that many “authorities” today claim that a clitoral orgasm is immature, and that orgasm should be produced by vaginal contact alone. One doctor, a professor in a very large university, goes as far as to recommend that the bodies of husband and wife ought to be across each other, forming a cross—instead of face to face.
If God be our Authority, and the Bible our approach, it refutes and voids all such nonsense immediately. It is not through ignorance, but on authority, that I say dogmatically, marital coitus should be in the general position of the love embrace, face to face—since God ordained this act, for humans, to be that occasional supreme expression of love.
It could well be concupiscent lust, in the manner certain authors recommend in this flood of sex books available today. But God made it for love. Perhaps by now the reader understands why we are unable to recommend any existing book—WHY this book had to be written!
In most of these books much is said about the many possible bodily positions. I do not deem it necessary to comment on that here. All married people know the two most natural and commonly used positions. Sex can become a matter of lust, perversion or plain self-gratification and concupiscence, even in marriage. Any such experimenting with abnormal positions and unnatural or perverted ways of performing coitus should be avoided.
The author mentioned here calls this third phase of sexual intercourse “the motion of the organs.” The organs of both husband and wife should engage in this motion. If the husband is above, he should be careful to avoid resting his whole weight on his wife, by largely sustaining himself on elbows and knees. This allows her to lift her hips up and down slightly, or sway them from side to side, or swing in a circling motion, as she may choose. This is better made possible by the wife placing her heels, from outside her husband’s legs, in the rear knee-hollows of his knees, also clasping his body with her arms. This gives her leverage to draw toward him and so gain contact with the clitoris—and with whatever pressure she may desire.
Nothing more will be said about this third phase of the act, except that both husband and wife, in full assurance that this entire drama of lovemaking is God-designed, and God-blessed, should strive to make an art of it. Learn to move gracefully. And each try to please the other. In a God-bound marriage, rid your mind of all inhibitions. Wives should learn to “let go”—giving themselves in utter and loving blissful surrender to the husband with whom God has made them one.
Now we come to the climactic fourth phase of marital intercourse—the orgasm. This possibly is the most intense physical sensation possible, delightful beyond description if not too frequently indulged. It need not be further described. But several things do need to be said about it.
Every husband and wife should strive for one objective, here. That is to arrive at this climax simultaneously. I said strive! It will take striving—and perhaps time and experience. Perhaps never will any couple be able to perfect this technique to a point where orgasm is simultaneous regularly and every time. But it is a goal worth striving for.
This may require mental retarding on the part of the one arriving at this climax faster—concentrating the mind on something else temporarily, and complete abandonment of all inhibiting or interfering thoughts on the part of the other.
At the instant of orgasm, the semen is thrown in repeated jets from the penis into the vagina in the region of the cervix.
However, orgasm on the part of the wife brings no corresponding emission of fluid.
Many mistaken ideas abound in regard to pregnancy, at this point. Some have supposed that unless the woman experiences orgasm, there can be no pregnancy. That is false! Orgasm by the wife has absolutely NOTHING to do with conception, one way or the other!
Then why do (or should) wives experience orgasm at all? This voluptuous explosion in women was designed by a Holy God for one purpose only—for her supreme pleasure, delectation and delight, in the love embrace with her husband! It has nothing to do with conception or reproduction! It is something animals know nothing of! Animals reproduce—but they do not marry, or express the delights of love in marriage! Women do!
Yet for centuries, millions of women were denied even the knowledge of this, by the suppression of information during those dark-age years of prudery and repression!
Millions of women have borne and reared their children, never knowing that women are supposed to experience the joys of orgasm the same as husbands! Yet, now, today, under the avalanche of “New Morality” “enlightenment” millions of teenage girls learn all about it in premarital SIN! Thank God, Jesus Christ is soon coming to straighten out this crooked, ignorant, mixed-up, God-defying world—and bring it peace and real happiness!
There are other misconceptions about pregnancy.
Some think there can be no conception, as long as the female hymen is unbroken and no male penis has ever entered the vagina. But again hundreds of thousands of babies have been conceived in this very manner. Young unmarried couples, “necking,” going as far as they think they dare, short of “the limit,” go far enough to let the organs be in contact—but only in the vestibule—not penetrating the vagina. Weeks later the girls notice their skirts are becoming too tight. One mentioned this to Mrs. Armstrong.
“You’re pregnant,” explained Mrs. Armstrong.
“But I couldn’t be,” exclaimed the girl. “I’m still a virgin!”
“Well, you’d better see the doctor,” replied Mrs. Armstrong. “Perhaps you’ll believe him.” The girl and the young man married immediately—they were in love and engaged, anyway. They repented. Of course God forgave, upon real repentance, and their marriage has been happy, with additional children—but that scar will always remain! It just can’t be erased! Some mistakes are SO permanent!
But to return to the desirability of simultaneous orgasm. Once complete sexual arousal has taken place, it is somewhat—at least temporarily—injurious to break off without proceeding to the climax of orgasm. This orgasm is a nervous release of built-up tension.
Husbands and wives should restrain caressing and lovemaking in between the times of full intercourse, to a point short of such complete arousal. The very fact that the male penis becomes erect in a matter of seconds does not mean that this full and sustained arousal has been reached. It is something that builds up, more and more, to a state of tension, if physical contact is continued. Kissing and embracing for a moment or two may be enjoyed several times daily, without this built-up, fully charged, nervous condition. Yet, in times of full coitus, if husband and wife enjoy the close bodily contact of full love embrace for as much as 30 minutes or more before the second phase of the act is entered, there are some evidences that indicate this sustained bodily contact, up to 30 minutes, actually produces a healthful relaxing of nervous tensions, and a stimulus to mental and physical well-being, when climaxed by orgasm.
But when this full tension of arousal has been generated, there must be the release of orgasm, or nervous tensions continue.
Many a wife suffers all night long, with unsatisfied desire, her generative organs tumescent, her nerves “unstrung”—because of premature ejaculation, and on achieving orgasm her husband selfishly turned over and went to sleep!
Whichever party reaches this summit first is duty-bound to continue until full release of tensions is gained by the mate, through orgasm.
Yet, after this climax, tensions relax, interest is gone, and a desire to turn over and go to sleep seizes one. On the part of the husband, the penis will gradually lose its stoutness, and after a few moments it will be impossible to keep it in coital contact. If this should happen, a considerate husband could, if necessary, set the alarm clock for later and then finish his duty to his wife. See also under “Sexual Dysfunctions” in Chapter 14 on birth control.
All rose bushes have thorns. This one of marital sex will present its problems. They require knowledge—they require the intelligence of human minds—and they require love, consideration, patience and character to work out.
But they pay the richest, most happy and joyous dividends possible in the physical lives of humans made from the dust of the ground! And they are only a type of the incomparably greater sexless but spiritual joys which we may inherit forever!Continue Reading: Chapter 12: Dating—and Teenage Morality