Far too often, children are left to themselves.
Take one example. Grand Theft Auto iv is the fastest-selling video game in history, generating $310 million in its first 24 hours of sales. This crime-life simulator, with its continual violence, virtual sexual encounters and crime-oriented missions, isn’t supposed to be sold to children under age 17. But a survey last year by the National Institute on Media and the Family found that half the time, teens under age 17 had no trouble purchasing Grand Theft Auto. Other surveys reveal the series to be the most popular game played among boys ages 12 to 14!
How do all those 12-, 13- and 14-year-old boys get a chance to play that game? No doubt some parents approve and willingly buy the game for their child. But many others have no idea their children are playing such shocking, graphic games—or, if they know, haven’t actually looked at the content being absorbed by their child’s mind.
More than 3,000 years ago, a wise man wrote: “… a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.” Lange’s Commentary says “left to himself” literally means, “he who is exempted from discipline, who is left to his own will” (emphasis mine throughout).
Now look at the beginning of the proverb: “The rod and reproof give wisdom ….” Wisdom means to become a skillful learner.
In other words, a neglected child brings shame on the family because that neglect hurts his ability to learn, to grow in wisdom and understanding.
In that one proverb, Solomon actually described two opposite approaches to education. One is a disciplined, structured environment where children are corrected and punished in love. In the other, children are more or less left to themselves to decide right from wrong in an environment void of structure and discipline.
We see the results of a learning environment devoid of structure and discipline all around us. A few years ago, Leonard Irvine wrote for the Salisbury Review about rising crime rates. He aimed to address the cause of the problem: “Although fighting crime ‘at the sharp end’ must continue, this society is producing more criminally inclined boys and youths than its law enforcement structure can possibly deal with.” Then he made this observation: “The paradox is that in the time up to the 1950s, discipline at home and at school was harsh. Then there was little crime. Today, with the ‘child centered’ style of education and the abolition of any form of smacking in school, children are more violent than they ever were” (Summer 2003).
Behavior problems caused by poor attention spans are rapidly increasing among our children, yet the tendency is to label the behavior a “disorder” and prescribe mind-altering drugs like Ritalin. This helps regulate a child’s disruptive behavior at home and at school. But, of course, the drug has many documented side effects: lethargy, depression, poor appetite, insomnia—not to mention long-term effects. Moreover, it does not bring about permanent change. A change in behavior is noticeable only while the student is medicated.
But there is another, much less popular alternative to improving attention spans: a return to a more disciplined form of teaching and educating children! There is no substitute for properly training and teaching children—from infancy on up—to concentrate, pay attention and follow instructions. This, as Irvine explained in his article, increases the child’s storehouse of knowledge because as his attention span improves year by year, he learns along the way—adding to previously acquired knowledge.
The early years in a child’s development—from infancy to about age 6—are his most formative. This is when the child’s personality, character and intelligence are, in many ways, set for life. Child development experts say about half an individual’s intelligence—his ability to learn and grasp new concepts—develops in his first three or four years! About 80 percent of that ability is developed by age 8.
Parents are responsible most for preparing our children for education—teaching them how to learn. We are their most important educators in life. Not public or private schools, not higher education, not government programs or community organizations—and certainly not music, television programs or video games.
That children cannot pay attention in school is not the real problem. The problem is with parents who will not pay attention to the needs of their children. It’s with deadbeat dads who will not step forward and lead the family with loving authority. It’s with mothers who are too busy competing in the workplace to care for their children at home.
Too often, children are left with day care, teen babysitters, television and movies, video games, sugary snacks, and lots of toys—anything parents can think of to keep them occupied or to prevent tantrums. Then, when they enter the more structured environment of school at age 5 or 6, we can’t understand why they won’t pay attention.
“Always give your children an abundance of love,” Herbert W. Armstrong once wrote. “Show your affection. Then, from tiniest infancy, by loving but unquestionable insistence, bring your child to absolute recognition of your authority—and before he reaches the end of his first year! If spanking is necessary, use it—always being careful not to injure the child, yet making it smart enough to get results” (The Missing Dimension in Sex).
A superabundance of love—and insisting on obedience. It’s not that complicated. But it is difficult to put into practice because it takes so much time and unselfish sacrifice. It takes parents who pay attention to their children—educating, teaching and training.
Society’s way is to let children do as they please. If they don’t want to listen, it’s just a passing phase—if they throw a tantrum, just let it run its course. Then, hopefully (with fingers crossed), they will turn out to be smart, well-disciplined, law-abiding citizens who raise happy families. That might be the way it works in movies. But not in real life.
It is the rod and reproof, as mentioned earlier, that give wisdom and understanding.
How is this even possible? How can administering discipline make a child more educated? Because in order to receive knowledge, a child must first learn how to listen and pay attention. And nothing establishes this as habit in a little one quite like discipline and correction.
If a child has never been taught to listen to those in authority, why should we expect him to receive knowledge from an authority figure?
Teach a child to honor and obey his parents first (Ephesians 6:1-2; Colossians 3:20). Then he can understand and learn.
Few commentators are willing to go this deep in proposing their “solutions” because it involves much more than changing a curriculum and the disciplinary measures at the local elementary school. In fact, it transfers most of the burden of responsibility to teach, train and discipline youths from the educational system to where it belongs—the parents!
This solution—God’s solution—means fathers must regain control of their families with loving leadership—as provider, protector and educator. It means mothers should assume their primary role as helpmeet to the husband, keeper of the home and the daytime caregiver to the children. And it means children must learn the lesson of obedience first, while growing up in a loving family environment at home.